Equine Interaction Retreats, LLC

“Everything holds its breath except spring. She bursts through as strong as ever.” -B.M. Brower

In truth, the actual winter this year has been manageable and “light” compared to the last one when we received about 4 feet of snow overnight early in the season. While we often think of winter as a time of being dormant, I think it’s also an opportunity to grow. Like how our brains process information while we sleep, but also there’s that “build’s character” sense where going through more difficult and heavy work makes us stronger.

For me personally, the last two years have felt like one big winter. Summer went quickly for me, and I can’t quite remember many details of what all happened. What I do know is that I struggled. Regardless of the sun outside, inside I still felt dormant. The reasons for it were clear to me, but not something I could talk about with many others. And while I desperately needed the time to process, heal, and focus on my family, returning to work was a start-and-stop nightmare.

My tenure-track job was in the spotlight, and every move I made over-analyzed by peers I barely know. And also by people I knew well-enough, and who made it clear from the start they did not want me to succeed. Or if they did, they had a funny way of showing it. I was down in the fight and feeling kicked, but I’ve also recognized that even my most high-achieving peers were also struggling to feel as if nothing they ever did was enough. And the support to even get to the center of that tootsie pop, was lacking to the point that I spent more time doing periphery work for projects than working on the actual project itself. And then there were the ethical violations. At some point, enough was enough. Perhaps the problem wasn’t that I was not enough, but that I was in the wrong career all together.

So I made a choice. And I feel just like I’m the spring bursting out of winter. I am excited, curious, and motivated. Even if I patch paychecks from odd together for a while, the hustle will be worth it. And a lot more fun.